The Dresses

Wedding Poll #2: The Dresses

All right, here's the second wedding poll. But first, I have selected the winner of the first poll on worst gifts. Congratulations to Grace for her winning submission:

My mom and stepdad received a ceramic man pulling down his pants plant pot, complete with cactus where his penis would be.

Honorable mention for bizarro gifts, though it wasn't a wedding gift, goes to senior Russian finance ministry officials:

At this weekend's meeting of finance ministers in St. Petersburg, senior Russian finance ministry officials give their Group of Eight colleagues military-look wooden crates containing glass AK-47 assault rifles - filled with vodka.

Moving along, I present a poll on worst wedding dresses. I was going to put your options below the cut, but this is too much fun to hide.

First, I present THE LINGERIE:

Next, THE URN:

Third in our parade is THE CHICKEN:

THE TAUNTING seems designed to make any woman anywhere look bad unless she is wearing a rigid plastic corset:

The following is known as THE JAWS OF LIFE because you don't so much wear it as get trapped in it, and a rescue effort is required:

GILT seems to be dress after dress after dress combined:

COLOR ME BAD is, well, pretty damn bad:

POUF seems to have some structural defect that does not allow the wearer to stand upright:

The model wearing LAYER (NOT) CAKE will probably kill you:

The recommended one-bow limit is defied in TIES:

And finally, BAD FUNG SHUI proves that red can indeed be an unlucky color.